I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize