It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
