I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
