afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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