The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize