it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
