There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
