Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
