two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
