I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
