last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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