Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
