the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
