my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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