speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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