pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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