That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
