Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
