My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize