Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
