How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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