Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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