He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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