you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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