remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
