you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize