we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
