Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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