Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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