Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
