You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
