I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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