Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
