Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
