Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
