Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
