how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
not ubering you a puppy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
