the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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