im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
