this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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