I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
