this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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