Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
