dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
