i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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