so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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