The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
