And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
