She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
