we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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