I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
