I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
