I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
