hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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