went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
