I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
