Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
