Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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