i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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