2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
