I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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