I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
