party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
time to smoke my breakfast
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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