I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
