I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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