Where did you get a picture of my penis
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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