Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
