So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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