Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please come you make the beer taste better
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
