I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
