what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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