Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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