So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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