just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
