hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
