I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
