Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize