im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
