I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dignity is for republicans.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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