you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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