Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
