i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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