Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
