I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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