hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
