I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
barbara walters just said penis...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
