i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
