allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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