i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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