in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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