If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize