just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize