Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
