I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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