what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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