im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
