i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
