i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
