I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
