Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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