she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
