this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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