I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
